Updates
My goal is to write more frequently here in my blog. I don’t know if I will be successful, but I’m going to give it a shot. Now that school is back in session and I’m in the busy season of life again I am sure my brain will be constantly spinning and working overtime, making more use of ideas and concepts and, in turn, giving me more to write about.
In the mean time, I’ve updated the pages of my blog so feel free to look around, introduce yourself, and get to know me a bit better. I appreciate your feedback and look forward to being back in the saddle, or the driver’s seat, the cockpit, the helm….
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Coffeeshop Revelations
I was sitting in one of my favorite places yesterday with one of my favorite people talking about life and of grown-up things like work and school, family and relationships. We are both in an exciting part of life beginning new careers, helping to plant a new church, and exploring this thing called “adult life”. But we both also have fears and reservations as we enter into this new and uncharted territory of our futures.
The conversation turned to a more serious note as we spoke of our daily struggles and concerns. After being a little transparent and voicing some of my trials and fears I asked my friend “So is all this really as bad as it sounds?” She thought for a moment and replied, “It’s messy. I can’t lie to you.”
Not really what I was wanting to hear.
Then she continued on. “We all have messy parts of life but that doesn’t mean we are a mess. There is still a light at the end of the tunnel even if the tunnel is really long.”
We continued talking about how we have to be vigilant to attack the areas of our life where fear so easily sets in and gain the courage to face our issues and continue to fight when it would be much easier to run and hide.
At the end of the day, no matter what you face, hold onto hope. God is still God and it is He who gives us the strength to stand and fight, the peace to rest in the midst of the storm, and the wisdom to make right choices in our daily lives.
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I hate running…
Yes it’s true. I hate running. I hate running physically, but I have found I hate running metaphorically too. Until this past summer I was the girl who had no free time, no fun, no life because I was “running” so much. Hello, my name is Andrea Grace Fillmore and I’m addicted to achievement.
I used to think other people were lazy, and that all my hard work would get me success and achievement in life because I was doing so many things and overworking myself while everyone else was actually sleeping, eating, and having fun.
WRONG.
So, so wrong.
You see, there was a time when I was taking a full school load (12hours), I was the president of two school organizations & volunteering with two more, I was leading the creative team at a new church, playing the guitar at church, and working two part time jobs. That’s not a bragging list – that’s a list that I look at often to see how crazy I was. No wonder I wasn’t happy or healthy.
I ended up in a ditch, depressed and exhausted because I simply couldn’t keep up the pace of all the things I had committed myself to. I was worn out and it was all my fault…not the church’s fault, not my friends’ fault, not my school’s fault. This mess had my name all over it.
Life is a marathon, and I was trying to do that marathon life at a sprinter’s pace. I had heard that phrase a hundred times, but it never clicked until recently. I haven’t learned it all, but I do think and hope and pray I will never allow myself to become that tired, stressed, depressed, again before realizing that something is wrong.
- I’ve learned to pace myself.
- I’ve learned that achievements are more fulfilling when you take your time to do things right.
- I’ve learned that “having a life” actually helps me to have a balance.
- I’ve learned that nothing noteworthy is achieved overnight.
- I’ve learned to enjoy the people around me instead of trying to out-achieve them.
- I’ve learned that laughter really is the best medicine.
- I’ve learned that I am the ONLY person who knows what a healthy level of commitment is for me.
- I’ve learned to delegate.
- I’ve learned to say NO…and in a nice way.
- I’ve learned that there is nothing I can check off my to-do list that can replace the feeling of being happy, healthy, and rested.
The Phenomenon of Thankfulness
Recently on Facebook I decided to only update my status with things I’m thankful for. These are the six posts I made in six days about things I chose not to complain about, but to find the good instead. Below you can find the story of how it came about.
“Thankful for the lawn I had to mow – it means I have a house to live in.”
“Thankful for long hours at work bc it means I am employed.”
“Thankful today for the piles of laundry around me – it means I have clothes to wear.”
“I am thankful for the water bill to pay – it means I have clean water unlike many who’ve got no drinking water.”
“Thankful for the car maintenance and gas fill-ups – I have reliable transportation.”
“I’m thankful for great friends and family. The relationships you have are the foundation of your life – cherish them!”
A few things prompted this parade of thankfulness. The first is an homage to my grandmother Betty who always used to thank God for the dirty dishes we were washing because it meant we had food to eat. My generation has grown up as one that is spoiled and generally takes things for granted. My grandparents lived through wars and the Depression. I’ve grown up with her voice in my ears and wondered – how much do we take for granted every day that truly is a luxury and a blessing? How much do we waste of what we have and complain about what we don’t have?
When I was younger my mother would require me to write a “thank you” card to anyone I received a gift from. I think this not only caused me to have good manners, but helped to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness in me. Often, in my day to day errands or chores I stop to thank God for whatever it is I’m doing – or for my home, my clothes, my family, the weather, or whatever comes to mind. I believe it blesses and honors God when we are gracious and thankful for His blessings in our life.
I’m not attempting to brag about what I do, but I earnestly desire that this somehow inspires you to not just stop and smell the roses, but to be thankful for them as well. Make an effort to thank God for something each and every day. Thank others in your life for what they do for you. Live every day with an attitude of thankfulness and you’ll see that you become a more positive person!
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What Makes a Mentor
I’ve always been one that enjoys learning and am almost always people watching and observing others so that I can improve skills such as communication, customer service, and leadership. Over the past several years I’d been desiring a mentor to assist me in my personal growth. I sat down with different individuals over the span of about five years asking them to train me, teach me, and assist me in my endeavors to perform at my personal best, yet found that each time I extended the invitation it was accepted with excitement and inevitably abandoned. In my search for “the perfect mentor” I discovered that there is no such thing. So, below I’ve shared a few tips and ideas to consider for those of you looking for your own personal coach:
1. Understand that no one is perfect. Seems pretty basic, I know. But often when we invite someone into our personal lives in order to train us it’s because we want to emulate them in some aspect and have a certain respect for who they are or what they have accomplished. It’s easy to allow that to bleed into idolizing that person, and inevitably we’ll be let down. They may forget to return your call, or miss your birthday, or might not speak to you for a few days. That’s normal. Just remember that no one is perfect, including your coach.
2. No one can be everyone. This is important. No matter how much you respect or look up to that one person, they alone cannot teach you everything you need to learn. One very vital lesson I’ve learned over the years is that you can learn something from anyone, even if it’s how NOT to do something. Don’t discount learning from others because they are old/young/black/white/loud/quiet/male/female/etc.
Everyone has something to learn and everyone has something to teach. Be open and you’ll learn more than ever if you just make up your mind to look for the opportunities to absorb knowledge from others.
3. Don’t stay in the nest. What if the Karate Kid was still learning the wax on wax off technique today? He never would have had the opportunity to succeed that came when it was time for him to step out and fight his battle. And I bet we would’ve given up on him and the movie after a few hours. Know that the time will come when you’ll have to leave the nest of your learning experience and fly on your own.
4. Set parameters. Ultimately, I believe this is why a few of my mentorships failed. They didn’t stay on a professional level – we became friends instead of teacher & student, and we didn’t set guidelines as to how our relationship would progress. If you’re serious about having a one-on-one accountability partner to teach you, train you, and test you then this point is absolutely non-negotiable. Approach your mentor-to-be with an outline of meeting days/times/etc. and be as flexible as possible when needed. If necessary, set guidelines as to when you’ll call or not call (mentors have lives and families too and it would be rude to abuse their privacy or be disrespectful of their time). Remember, anything you can do to get the ball rolling shows initiative and that you’re serious about learning from them.
All in all, mentorship is what you make it. I encourage you to decide if this is something you want to pursue and, if so, attack it! Life is too precious to be wasted so learn all you can and do what you can to be a mentor to others who look up to you as well.
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Three Ways to De-Stress
I’m beginning a season of simultaneous rest and preparation as I finish up my Spring semester at school and look ahead towards Fall. It’s been a crazy whirlwind for sure, and I have a feeling it’s just the tip of the iceberg. My goal is to take the summer to refresh myself, read a lot, and begin mentally and organizationally preparing for another productive Fall semester. Here are some practical things I’m doing to get ready for what is coming down the line in the next few months:
1. Reading. This is something relaxing and enjoyable. It’s an affordable hobby with a library card from the public library or your college. Reading is an easy way to stay informed of current events and enjoy a few minutes of escape here and there – or an hour or two if you can afford it.
2. Sleeping. I’m working hard to get into a regular sleep pattern and quit trying to run on fumes. This is difficult to do, but when you organize your tasks and learn to manage your work load it is possible. I’ve also stopped putting on a mindless or numbing movie to go to sleep to and opted for a relaxing instrumental CD. I’ve fallen asleep sooner and slept more peacefully since changing this routine.
3. Organizing. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I’m not the most organized person on the planet. But that’s okay for me. I know my strength isn’t detailing all my tasks. I DO know that I must organize otherwise I’ll lose my mind…and all my homework/bills/you-name-it. I do my best at organizing and planning ahead so I know exactly what to expect from each day and where my give and take is within my schedule.
- The most important thing about being or becoming organized is that you develop a system that will work for you. Don’t make a schedule you can’t or won’t keep. You’ll only grow more frustrated with yourself.
- The second most important thing about organization is to allow your system to be flexible. If a part of it doesn’t work after a week or two, scrap it or revise it. Planning, goal setting, and orgainizing are fluid things that need to be adapted to different stages of life, so don’t feel like you have to stick with just one plan. I love surfing the web for ideas and then adapting them for my own use.
I hope these three things inspire you or spark an interest or idea for you to get more and enjoy more in life!
How do you organize your life? Ideas? Suggestions? Leave me a comment – I’m always on the prowl for new ideas!
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It’s in the bag…
Here are a few of the books I’ve just received via mail or library card that I can’t wait to get into (after finals, of course):
War of Art
Whatever You Think Think The Opposite
The Hunger Games
Two of these came highly recommended and I’ve wanted to read “Whatever You Think…” since reading Paul Arden’s book “It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be”.
Here are a few others on my list (some have been accumulating throughout my past two semesters and I’m excited to finally crack them open!):
Free Stuff
I’m a sucker for free stuff. Seriously. This week I’ve received six free cups of coffee from Starbucks (via various coupons and promotions), one free copy of Vogue magazine (courtesy of the newest release replacing April’s issue), and one $50 gift card to Barnes and Noble (through a contest). Also I’ll be receiving free product samples just for asking for them from my friend the internet. Yep. The best things in life ARE free…especially when they are caffeinated.
The Top 3 Things I’ve Learned In School (so far)
1. Life requires a give and take.
It is absolutely impossible to accomplish everything. As the semester draws to a close I find myself involved in three school organizations, two church departments, and two jobs…plus I try to make a little time for fun. Add to that some sleep, and loads of studying and you may find yourself missing out on something (in my case, it’s usually sleep).
No one person can do everything that all these arenas require. I learned very quickly that I must choose carefully what gets done and what doesn’t. I’ve learned that my time is much more valuable than I previously thought, and that delegation is a requirement. School has taught me to network and to lean and rely on others, to ask for help, and to say no to some things that may be good, but aren’t necessarily best.
And don’t worry, I’m working on the sleep thing. I actually got eight hours last night.
2. You only gain what you give.
As busy as I am, I do so realizing that I will only get out of something what I put into it. I don’t tend to do anything half-heartedly. I want to experience the richness of all that the college life has to offer, and build paths to a successful future. I realize that my involvement in school is an integral part of my future transfer to another school, and an important resume builder as well.
My motivation in putting so much effort into what I do comes from a deep need to achieve, but also a realization that my future is important and worth the investment of time, energy, and money.
3. Time away is just as important as involvement.
This summer, after completing my Freshman year at college, I am not taking any classes. This was a really difficult decision for me. I want to achieve…really, I want to OVER-achieve. But, I’m realizing the value in time off. I’m guilty of running myself into the ground to get something done. So, I’m working on trying not to burn myself out. I’ve already started planning how to become more effective with my time and tasks so when I reach the Fall semester, my life is an organizationally well-oiled machine.
I’m in the process of booking a vacation home to Oklahoma for (GASP!) two weeks to relax and be with family and enjoy some quality time away from the day to day demands I place on myself.
I’m sure there will be many more life-lessons to be learned along my journey through school. I’m looking forward to each of them, but first I’ll enjoy my summer.
much love:
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It’s going to be legendary…
I think a lot of people I know are still in shock that it’s already 2011. But life is one day after the next. Mondays become Sundays and the weeks repeat over and over again. And again, and again.
It’s easy for most of us to get stuck in the mundane and look toward a vacation or a birthday or holiday and to put all our expectation and hope into that one moment thinking it’s going to be legendary…and yet it usually it falls short of our great expectations. We are rarely satisfied because that one moment wasn’t legendary. Sometimes those moments are good or great, and sometimes they just really stink. Then we walk away jaded because that moment didn’t quite give us that emotional high like we’d hoped.
I’m learning that the most beautiful and legendary moments are those that just happen. They are serendipitous – they are a wonderful accident we never saw coming. Usually those moments are the ones that we don’t realize are golden until they are gone. They are the spontaneous laughs and random spur of the moment things that you only can see to be legendary through hindsight.
I quit making resolutions a long time ago. But my goal for this year and for my future came from the wise words of a dear friend on a cold Christmas Eve night: “Embrace where you are. Live your life. Quit worrying about who you aren’t and where you’re not.”
I guess you could say it’s time to stop and smell the roses.
